Author Exposes the Truth About Women and Desire — Fact: Sexual Desire is Alive and Well in Older Women

Happy New Years 2015

Don’t believe older women have hot sexual desire? Then start off the New Year reading “Kiss and Tell.” And then make 2015 one of the hottest years of your life, ladies!

What are your resolutions for the New Year?

Did you start a diet? Resolve to get your life organized? Commit to exercising daily?

While those are all worthwhile goals, I’m making a resolution that you don’t hear to often: I’m committing to exploring my sexual desire even deeper than I have so far (and I’ve already explored it pretty far).

I’d like to encourage other women “of a certain age” to also consider adopting this as their resolution for 2015 too.

It’s time we, as a group, stop letting our culture’s oppression of older women’s sexuality hold us back from our birth right, which is to explore our sexuality to it’s full expression — for our entire lives.

If you need inspiration for this adventure, I suggest you pick up a copy of Kiss and Tell by Anne Rodger.

In this truly unique book, Anne bravely goes where few have gone before — deep into the sexual lives of women at every decade of their lives.

Author Proves Women Desire Sex Their Whole Lives

One of the most interesting comments I heard all year — one that has resonated with me on my levels — is from Anne.

When we met to discuss her book, Kiss and Tell, she said:

“Older women don’t lose their desire for sex; they lose the desire to have sex with the men they are with.”

I urge you to sit with that comment for a bit. Let it swirl around in your mind like an olive in a martini.

Hell, let it take up residence in your psyche as you contemplate what it really means.

What it really means is this: the men in our lives are not always exciting us. And when they don’t, and we don’t want to have sex, our culture makes the most offensive claims: “we’re dried up,” “cold,” no longer “hot.”

It’s all BS. And Kiss and Tell proves it.

Let’s Stand Up to a Culture with a Warped View About Older Women

I’ve been thinking about why this happens and have come to one primary conclusion: Many women are so enamored with the idea of “having a man” and getting married that they put one important component of a relationship on the back burner — will he turn me on and satisfy me sexually for the long haul?

He may be a good earner. He may be funny. He may want what you want in life. All that is great — and important.

But don’t forget to answer another important question: How is he in bed?

From my conversations with women over the years and reading widely about sex, I believe that women too often put sex on the back burner, allowing other relationship advantages to hold sway over having a hot sex life.

In my day, our mothers and society taught us: “Sex fades.”

My mother’s words ring in my brain: “You need to have something besides sex to sustain a relationship.”

God, I wish my brain had never heard such drivel. It’s total rubbish.

What we need ladies, is this: A man who turns us on and satisfies us to the nth degree.

Sexual Desire at Every Age — In Older Women’s Own Words

Here are a few quotes from Kiss and Tell in which older women share secrets about their sexual desire.

At 57, Bianca says she’s having more sex than any other time in her live. While she enjoyed an good sex life with her husband, who passed away, she gives the highest marks to Miguel, her current lover 48-year-old lover.

“This guy has more positions than Carter has pills,” she divulges. “He does everything to make sure he satisfies me and then himself.”

Veronica, who is 70-something, started a relationship after a 48-year-old marriage that gave her the best sex of her life, including discovering she can organism during intercourse.

“He was the most amazing lover I ever had … I found out things about myself I didn’t know … the sexual things he did that excited me. I had so many orgasms it was unbelievable.

Catherine, who is 84 years old, says she is having the best sex of my life “right now” with her new husband. After a life of doing her “duty” with her original husband as she was raised to do, she had her first orgasm at 82.

“I had (sexual) feelings I’d never had before.”

Resolve to Make 2015 the Year that You Explore and Fulfill Your Sexual Desire

So what is a “happily” married woman with a lousy lover supposed to do?

I would suggest that you work with what you’ve got — for example, getting (forcing!) your hubby to attend a sex workshop with you. Start educating your man and exploring how you can turn him into the sex machine of your dreams.

If you are happily unmarried — as I am — you have many great options. You can do who you want. And these days hook ups are all the rage. This gives you the perfect opportunity to play the field and have fun.

Let me just put this suggestion out on the table: Date a few younger men and see what happens.

Ladies, there is a world of younger men turned on by older women. It’s the latest thing — and I encourage you to dive in. I’ve never had more fun then I have with my younger lovers.

My playtime with them has helped me find my true desire and find ways to satisfy it that none of the men my age ever did.

If this sounds enticing and juicy, then stay posted to My Life as a Cougar, because I’ll be exploring this new opportunity for older women much deeper in 2015.

Happy New Year, ladies! I hope it’s a wild one!


Photo credit: © Sondem


Science Backs Up My Cougar “Field Experience” — Some Men are Too Young, Some Too Old, and Some are Just Right!

Male lifestages in catoon

There’s one stage in a man’s life that makes him an ideal cub to your cougar — 25 to 30. I highly recommend that every cougar indulge!

I had lunch with my old cub boyfriend a couple of months ago in a failed attempt to “just be friends.”

He’s entered a phase in his life where he wants to date a lot of women (read: have sex), including women of all ages.

“I’ve only got a few years left to be a cub. I need to maximize my time,” he said.

I shot him a killer side-eye.

“You realize you’re not really a cub anymore, right? You’re 32.”

He immediately pounced. “It’s not about my age. It’s about being younger than the woman.”

“No it’s not. It’s about a man being a certain age — and that is under 30.”

Clearly not pleased with this news, he gave me a disgusted look.

As he drove me home in silence on what would be our very last encounter, I imagined his mental wheels working overtime to disregard my opinion on the upper end of the cub age range.

But, in fact, it’s not just my opinion. Science backs me up.

After five years of dating younger men, I’ve found patterns in men’s behavior related to age.

I’ve determined that there are three primary age groups that women should consider when targeting cubs: think Goldilocks!

  • Some men are too young
  • Some are too old
  • Some are just right!

Male Age Group #1 — 18 to 24 is Too Young

I once heard two male radio deejays joking about cougars and how older women like 18-year-old guys because they are always ready for action. Plus, they are like raw clay, and women can shape them into their own personal sex machines, opined the deejays.

Maybe. But I’ve found a serious flaw with this age group. They are not hot, because their brains are not fully formed — and great sex is not just about an ever-ready stick attached to a testosterone machine.

Great sex is as much a mental game as it is physical. If their head isn’t in the game, the game is no fun.

(As for training them: Please. I don’t have that kind of time.)

It’s not just me being critical about men’s mental development. There’s scientific proof backing me up.

Men’s brains don’t reach full maturity until they are at least in the mid-20s, according to the Massachusetts Institute of technology.

According to an article in The Wall Street Journal:

“Recent research (from MIT) into how the brain develops suggests that people are better equipped to make major life decisions in their late 20s than earlier in the decade. The brain, once thought to be fully grown after puberty, is still evolving into its adult shape well into a person’s third decade, pruning away unused connections and strengthening those that remain, scientists say.”

Further the sections of the brain develop from back to front. The same article stated:

“The front part of the brain, called the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last brain regions to mature. It is the area responsible for planning, prioritizing and controlling impulses.”

By the late 20s, according to developmental psychologist Laurence Steinberg of Temple University:

“There’s better communication between the parts of the brain that process emotions and social information — like what people think of you — and the parts that are important for planning ahead and balancing risk and reward.”

Did you catch the key phrase in there? “Controlling impulses.”

Do you really want a younger man with poor control over his impulses?

I’ve only been with a couple of guys in this age category — and that was enough for me to realize that they make very poor sex partners.

Male Age Group #2 — 30+ is Too Old

While men are not quite fully adults until their mid-20s, according to recent research, once they hit 30 it’s all downhill from there.

And the downhill slide for men is not a pretty picture.

I’ll cut straight to the point and tell you what I’ve experience with 30+ men. They become not just set in their ways, but rigid.

Their interests start narrowing. I’m talking about narrowing down to ONE interest. And. That’s. It. It could be golf, or fishing, or bird watching. But that one thing is all they care about.

I met one man who was almost 50 and obsessed with one thing: pole vaulting. It was his hobby and his vocation as a coach. Every weekend in good weather he was traveling to (you guessed it) pole-vaulting events to compete with … (wait for it!) … himself! He was the only one in his age category at the events!

Meanwhile, I’ve been with 25 year olds who had multiple interests, like Brian who performed in a band, was studying advanced teaching sciences, and was making plans to travel the world. Another guy, Thomas, was studying to be a nurse, had a passion for video games, and was making plans to combine nursing with exploring the world.

What’s more, the older they get the more men’s sexual physicality begins to diminish. Come on — we’ve all seen all those ads for erectile dysfunction. It’s a real thing!

Again I’ll call on life stage research to support my claim. According to the Mayo Clinic, “by the time a man reaches 30, the amount of testosterone in his body will begin to decline, with a roughly one percent drop each year.” Ouch!

As if we need more proof, here’s something funny from the California Psychics website:

“One of the biggest complaints of older men is that they are stuck in their glory days, wearing the same clothes, listening to the same music, and using the same pickup lines as they did in college. Women, however, embrace the new by keeping up on the latest music, fashions, and hip dialect. This may lead some women to date younger men.”

Hell yeah!

Male Age Group #3 — 25 to 30 is Just Right

Now, let’s forget about the youngsters and oldsters — and talk about my favorite age group.

My best lovers have all been 25 to 30. That’s the age when men have shed their adolescent cocoon and entered the best years of their young adulthood. They are at their sexual peak, at their intellectual peak, and at their physical peak (read: hot as hell!).

Here’s what science has to say about this life stage:

“The fourth stage is known as young adulthood, and it is during this period that males reach their physical prime and during which they begin to renounce some of the bad habits of their past. It is also during this period that males begin to develop a desire for achievement and betterment, and it may very well be during young adulthood that the inspiration is acquired for the later stages of life. This is also the prime of physical development for males.”

Yummy! I’ll take three!


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I became a cougar in early 2009 by accident. A younger man had responded to an ad I posted on CraigsList. I was looking for men closer to my age of 50 — and, surprisingly, several younger men replied. I didn’t take them seriously. But because I was naively polite to everyone who replied to […]

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